12/17

~15 approaches, 1 i-date which started well but went to shit.

Still a bit sick, but on the upswing. Should be close to 100% after a night’s rest, fingers crossed. My relaxed vibe continued into today - walking slower, talking slower, holding eye contact, much more grounded and my mind is not racing all over the place. I am overall happy with my mental progress.

My approach anxiety / spotlight has diminished considerably. However, my interactions are lacking spark. Most are mediocre. None are either horribly bad or amazingly good. I need to be more polarizing. I am so horny that I am afraid to display it. I am holding it back, afraid that revealing my barbaric side will ruin the set. I need to let go and let loose.

I opened a tall leggy blonde HB 7 who had just stepped out of her apartment in tight leggings.

Me: I love your giraffe-like legs.
Her: Yea, these leggings are great.
Me: I was talking about your legs.

She laughed and hooked. She revealed her Polish heritage which turned me on even further. After some chit chat, we got a drink at a nearby bar. She removed her jacket and was wearing a translucent white top through which I could see her black bra and toned abdomen (she’s devoted to yoga / meditation). She had no plans for the rest of the day, so I felt optimistic. At the bar, she invested a lot and qualified herself. I kissed her on the lips and she was receptive. Felt great at this point. Then she started sharing more personal stuff about her relationship with her family, sisters, which wasn’t all that positive… Felt a bit too soon, and I made a mistake in not changing subjects to something more lighthearted. We left that bar and went to the park. I casually hinted that I am not a relationship kinda guy; she got the hint, abruptly got up and speed-walked away. I went after her to satiate my curiosity and she said, “I am busy. I don’t have time for this.” I was shocked at the abrupt turn of events. Just two minutes before, we had been making out on the park bench. Little did I know that she put me in the boyfriend box. And the funny part is that all the while, I thought she was DTF and wanted me to escalate even faster! I read the situation completely wrong.

The shock fizzled out pretty quick and I got back to my calm state. I tried to take a 20 minute nap but couldn’t sleep. I had been out for 4 hours by this point and the i-date had made me even more horny. I debated whether to go out again or not. I eventually decided to run some errands and approach if I felt like it. I did four more approaches with no AA, no spotlight, and as if the i-date never happened. Pretty proud of how I kept myself together.

After that, I decided to call it a day. Part of me still wanted to keep approaching in the hopes of a fast pull so I could release my sexual burden. But I didn’t give into the urge. I had already gamed for 4 hours and while I could do more, I knew it would not be healthy for me overall. I have made the mistake in the past of over-gaming, hoping that more time will translate to faster progress. But, past a certain point I started to see diminishing and even negative returns (sacrificed gym, sleep, etc…). I am not going to make the same mistake again. No matter how horny I am, I need a hard stop after a certain point. And for me, that point is about 4 hrs / 15-20 approaches on a weekend (half that on a working day). After all, the goal is not only volume but also efficiency and quality.